Ode to Stuff

My daughters and I went to Wal*Mart today. I find it incredibly overwhelming, especially after being overseas even if only for a few short months. Now, don't misunderstand me. Since coming back we have definitely enjoyed many things about this culture and the ready access to so many different products, foods, and amenities. But we had also gotten used to a simpler lifestyle, and the massive display of materialism at Wal*Mart is hard for us to handle. I enjoy capitalism as much as the next conservative, but so much of what is available in this country is a) unnecessary, and b) way too expensive. Are all of these things really needed? How have the advertisement agencies succeeded in convincing Americans that they need all this STUFF? What would our Indian friends think of such a place? How can we stand to hear all the kids whining about stuff they want their parents to buy them?

After today's trip I was inspired to write a satire--sing it to the tune of Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee

Plaintive, whining, we implore You
Give us what we want today.
We will evermore adore You
If You do just what we say.
Give us toys and cars and new stuff,
Give us all that we desire.
It will never be quite enough,
Of new things we'll never tire.

I'm sure none of us have ever actually prayed these words, but the sentiment may have been there. How often do we ask God for THINGS? Or, if we don't come right out and ask, how much of our time is spent worrying about/thinking about/wishing for stuff that we think might make our lives happier or easier? I'm not pointing any fingers here; rather, I'm reflecting on my own desires and wants. When I start to think about things that "it would be nice to have" the Lord brings to my mind people that we saw in India living on the streets. How blessed I am to have so many nice things! Our family constantly sees God meeting our needs and many of our wants. I am convicted by God's Word:

Hebrews 13:5 says "Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." "

Will I ever be able to truly say that He is all I need?

Thinking or Feeling? A Critical Analysis From a Female Pespective

I was going to take the time to write a lucid, concise, well-thought-out treatise on thinking and feeling, specifically their gender-specific implementation and the implications this may have for societal stability and improvement, but then I just thought "I really don't feel like it."

Antarctica, Anyone?

We now know for sure that we have people on six of the seven continents praying for Bobby. Our only unknown is Antarctica. I've been wracking my brains trying to figure out how we could get someone down there praying for Bob. Any ideas? It's not crucial or anything, but it would be neat to be able to say that he has prayers going up for him ALL over the world. I'll keep working on it.

Feeling as a Man

Guest male blogger posting here.

I have read this particular blog for some time and am deeply troubled by it. In my small, concrete world I thought that "thinking" was the realm of the man, while "feeling" was the realm of the woman. Now, please do not get upset right away. I know that women are good thinkers; it's just that when it comes to key national security issues like blogging, men should be thinking and women should be feeling.

What will happen if women start to post all kinds of thinking blogs? They already have a corner on the feeling market. We (men) have no chance as far as feeling blogs are concerned. Don't even bother trying. What must we do?

I suggest that we, and I'm talking to all men here, THINK as we blog. We must fight this battle in order to keep our small portion of the blogging world intact. I have great fears here. While we are busy looking at things on-line such as sports, politics, sports, news, sports, other blogs, and sports, the women of this country will be launching out into the thought-based blogosphere.

Men, the women of this country have us all by the neck on this particular issue. We must stand up for our rightful place as thinkers. After all, if we do not think and cannot feel, what is left? I know that we do technically "feel," but since we don't know what those feelings are all about, why bother writing or even thinking about it?

So, men, how do we put this into action? First, we men should all think before we ever start to blog. If you can't say something with thought, then say nothing at all. Second, write on topics that other people care about. If your primary interest is, for example, finding out what Hollywood stars think about our country's foreign policy, it may be better to keep that to yourself. Third, write about topics that you know. Avoid branching out into arenas that are unfamiliar to you. If you know how to cut grass, tell us how. If you can hit a golf ball well, enlighten us. If you know how to make an Apple computer work well with the rest of the computing world, please tell us how.

The most important thing, however, is this. Avoid feelings at all costs. This is the big one. You are not ready to tackle this. It would be like what happened the first time Luke Skywalker faced Darth Vader. Just don't. Don't.

If we stick to thought alone, we have a chance. We must not give up on this part of our world. We must not back down. If we give up, it would be like pulling out of Iraq. Let's not run up the white flag on this issue. Let's fight the good fight, for it is worth fighting.

Winston Churchill, in WWII, said that England would never give up. This must be our battle cry. Let us think, think, think, and if that does not work, let us think some more.

Whoa, that was close. I almost felt something there. Worse yet, I almost wrote about it.

Remember, you can think as a man and tell others about it. If you feel something and then write about it, you will be crying in the corner before you know it.

Guest male blogger (better known as Eric C.) signing off.

Sudoku, Schmudoku

On the inane side of life, let me take a few minutes to RANT about my hatred of Sudoku puzzles, which my daughters and mother-in-law love. Some may say my disgust arises from my total inability to complete any Sudoku puzzles that aren't labelled VERY EASY (I think the microscopic letters under that say: If you can't do this, you're a moron.) But surely my lack of success has nothing to do with my aversion to these waste-of-time, good-for-nothing little engimas. The concrete reasons are:

1. They don't MEAN anything! Crossword puzzles involve verbal brain power, and often have longer answers that are puns or plays-on-words. Word search puzzles also have a theme or meaning. I know, I know, Sudoku puzzles challenge your numerical-logical skills. Whatever.
2. Umm...I can't think of any other reasons. I just despise them.

Any comments? Any defense from the Sudoku Savants?

Please Lord!

It's totally dark in Bobby's hospital room except for this computer screen. I look across the room at my son, curled up under his favorite blanket with Mr. Smiley, Brownie, and Ruff, his favorite stuffed animals. All I can think right now is, "Please, Lord, just give us more time with him. Please, God, I know he's yours to do with as you will, but could you just heal him and let him grow up? Let him hit puberty, let his voice change, let him be as tall as his daddy, let him play sports, let him learn to play the piano, let him go to college, get married, and have children of his own some day. Please?" Is this just selfishness on my part? I'm not trying to strike any bargains with the Lord--I know that God doesn't play that game, and neither do I. I know that Bobby is God's child, and that God is sovereign. I pray that this whole situation will bring glory to God. And yet...I don't want to lose my son! He is so sweet and cuddly and smart--how could I possibly handle it if he doesn't get better? These are such dark thoughts. Some people would say it's "Bad luck" to even think this way. But I don't believe in luck. I believe in an All-Powerful Creator God who has known every day, minute and second of my son's life since the beginning of time. And I hear a still, small voice telling me to be still and know that He is God, and rest in Him. This is all that I cling to, and it gives me peace. He gives me Peace.

A Whole New World...

Our family has entered a new realm with this cancer thing. On Bobby's Caring Bridge site I'll be keeping everyone up-to-date on his care, whereas on this blog I'll just be journaling my own thoughts and reactions.
So, honestly--this cancer world is a club we never wanted to join. It's the kind of thing that you are thrust into unaware. It reminds me of being at youth group pool parties in high school...not planning on going swimming for whatever reason...and suddenly being pushed into the pool. At first there's total shock. The water is cold, you have trouble catching your breath, and you may feel really angry. There's nothing you can do at that point--you're already soaked, you're completely in the pool, so you may as well join the rest of the swimmers and have some fun. It's the "fun" part where the analogy breaks down a little. Nothing about this situation is really very fun.
Of course, our family tries to have fun and laugh no matter what happens, but these days a lot of humor rings hollow for me. I'm finding it ironic that my husband preached on the topic of suffering the first weekend in January. I'm having trouble understanding how we are ever going to regain a sense of normalcy in our lives. I'm lonely for my friends from North Carolina. I'm lonely for my friends in India. I'm working on rebuilding friendships with people here in the Savannah area, where we haven't lived for four years. I'm discovering that the promises we read so nonchalantly in the Bible are true: God gives us peace, He'll never forsake us, if we lack wisdom we just need to ask, He created us and knows us and the plans He has for us. These are the truths to which I'm clinging these days.
I hope that over the next few months I can still find time to read good books, watch good movies, and have some intellectual life beyond learning everything I can about Burkitt's lymphoma and all the anti-cancer drugs which are used to treat it. But even if I don't--I do know that this entire situation can bring glory to God. I keep thinking of that song "Let my lifesong sing to you..." That's what I desire. (On a sarcastic note--Eric and I used to sing that song as "Let Mike Nifong sing to you..." People from the Raleigh area will know what that's about...) Seriously, I pray that our lives through this trying time will glorify the Lord. What more could we ask?

Please visit Bobby's website

I won't be blogging on here more than just occasionally. Please visit:

www.caringbridge.org/visit/bobbyc

to see how our lives are going. THANKS!

La vida te da sorpresas, sorpresas te da la vida...

Okay, so the title of this post is taken from an old song in Spanish called "Pedro Navaja." It translates as "life gives you surprises, surprises are given you by life." Now, I know that God is in control of my life, so it's not as though I believe in some mystical "nature" or "fate" that determines my life. But life sure is full of surprises!

There we were, living overseas, adjusting to the culture, learning the language, and making good friends, when suddenly....

POW!! We get hit right between the eyes with a BIGGIE, a HUGE change....and we can only withstand the stress and pressure of this change because we have the Holy Spirit abiding in us, comforting, teaching, and giving peace.

So, most of you who bother to check this blog occasionally (and have given up on my EVER updating it) already know what this huge change has been. For any newcomers, here it is:

From one day to the next a large lump appeared on my son's neck and another lump surfaced in his throat. We consulted doctors and they determined that it was some type of lymphoma. We packed up everything in two days, flew back to Savannah, GA, and got him treated here--and yes, it is lymphoma. Our eight-year-old son has a rare kind of cancer called Burkitt's lymphoma. He is now in chemo and our lives will never be the same again...or at least they won't be for quite some time. I am going to be journaling and keeping posts on this at another website called Caring Bridge. That website will basically become my blog.

What have we learned so far through this experience?

1. God is good all the time, and He gives peace and strength as needed for each hour.
2. We are INCREDIBLY blessed with family and friends--so much so that I don't know how some people go through a time like this without this level of support. We have so many people who have said "Call me no matter what time it is, tell me what you need, how can we help?...etc." and the amazing thing is that they really mean it!
3. We have also been blessed with great children. Our girls have been phenomenal so far through this, and our son--depite some grumbly moments in the hospital--is handling things really well.

I have felt the Lord's presence closely over the past several months as we lived overseas, and more so over these last few weeks. He has truly been "the God of all comfort" to me.

Back in Blog

Back in blog, yeah..... I'm Back in Blog!!! (Sing to the tune of "Back in Black" that wonderfully wholesome song from the 70s)

Okay, so if anybody is still checking my blog, I haven't died or anything serious like that. I just moved to the other side of the world. A few highlights (or lowlights) of the journey so far:

Thirty hours of air travel to get here, about twelve days of jet-lag recovery, strep throat infection, my son having a staph skin infection, meeting new friends, eating new foods, learning how everything works in our new place (I could write a whole book on that one,) trying to get enough sleep to handle the stress, major culture shock, thanking God for Skype, good communication with family and friends back in the States, a week of intestinal upset, observing a funeral at a house across the street, cows--cows--everywhere, monkeys everywhere too, and just general an entirely different way of life than anything we've ever experienced.

I wish that I'd had the energy to blog on here regularly over the last few weeks and give my impressions as they came along, but the truth is that I've been having a hard time adjusting to being here, and have needed way more sleep than ever before. I've been told this is normal, so I'm not feeling bad about it. But I'll be updating the blog more frequently from now on!

The thing that overwhelms me most in this new country is the lostness of the people. Fewer than 1% are Christians. I feel as though we moved back in time, in some ways, to about 3,000 years ago, with all the temples and statues of idols everywhere. And yet, we both now have cell phones (called "mobile" phones here) and have high-speed internet, which we've never had before! The technology is available here if you have the money to buy it.

The main thing about life here is that everything is harder. It's harder to get your food, it's harder to have running water--you have to pump it twice a day up to a tank on the roof of your house, it's harder to do the laundry, it's harder to buy furniture or anything else you need for your house, and the beds are harder, too. Most of the time I feel like a wimpy westerner who can't handle the toughness here. I know I'll toughen up, and get used to it, but right now it is draining me.

The thing that keeps me going is to not lose sight of the big picture. I am so blessed compared to the majority of the people here. Our family has a nice apartment with running water and hot water in the bathrooms. We have plentiful food, and blankets to stay warm at night. Many of the people here sleep outside on the streets every night, and it does get cold here these nights--down to 50 or even lower. Many people have no warm clothing, no blankets, no hot water, and not enough food. So I count my blessings and enjoy the time I have with my family and with new friends here. I thank God that our city got a McDonald's right after we moved here. I praise Him for yummy food here, for the fact that we actually found a tiny artificial Christmas tree in a store here, and that we can fellowship with other Western believers safely every Sunday.

I still miss everyone from home.

More soon from halfway around the world.

Gracia Burnham's Book

Since I never posted my final review:

I give this book 5 stars out of 5: *****

The story of the Burnham's kidnapping and captivity is, as I said before, encouraging and uplifting. It also challenges the reader and gives you the feeling that you are right there with them. As my husband and I were reading it we started to feel like it was dragging, with the same things happening over and boredom setting in. Then it occurred to us: that is exactly how the Burnhams felt for a lot of the time in captivity. Their lives became an endless routine of marching from one place to another, trying to find enough food to stay alive, and trying to keep strong for each other. Although they experienced 17 firefights during their captivity (and Martin was killed in the final one) most of the time was spent traveling from one place to another, living out in the jungle. Gracia is completely honest about their relationship, spiritual walk, and even doubts during their ordeal. I really appreciated her candor. I strongly encourage everyone to read her book.

And off we go...

I know I haven't posted in almost a month; I probably won't be able to post for another month or so, but here goes:
We're off tomorrow on the adventure of a lifetime. We are still amazed that we even get to do this! It is terribly hard leaving family, though. Even though for the past four years we have lived pretty far from our parents and only been able to see them occasionally, it seems worse going as far as we are. We both have such great parents, with whom we are also good friends (now that we are grown-ups :) so that makes it even harder. Not only are we telling relatives good-bye, but we are also telling our best friends good-bye, and they're the same people!
We have said so many good-byes over the last few months that I have become emotionally weary of them. First in our last hometown in NC, then some friends down here in GA, then my parents, then all the new friends we made in VA, and now more people and my husband's parents here. Aaaaaargh! It feels as though someone is v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y ripping a band-aid off my skin instead of just tearing it off in one fell swoop. Most little kids think the slow method hurts less, but I know better. Of course, I'm used to good-byes; in fact, I grew up with them. And the fact is, they never get any easier. Every good-bye makes me long for heaven; I yearn for that day when we'll never have to say good-bye to one another again but instead will be together forever worshipping the Lord!
When we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!
Sounds pretty good to me, how about you?

Reading Material

Sorry if that last post was a trifle petulant. I was feeling lonely after seeing everyone on Saturday.

I'm currently reading In the Presence of My Enemies by Gracia Burnham. You may remember her as the New Tribes Missions worker who, along with her husband Martin, was abducted by the Abu Sayyaf (Muslim paramilitary group) in the Philippines in 2001.

This is a powerful book, and a should-read if not a must-read for Christians. It is increasing my faith and my confidence in a powerful God. To read of the trials they endured, the provision of God during their year of captivity, and their unwavering (except for one dark moment) faith, is encouraging and uplifting. It also confirms my belief that God is sovereign and purposes to do things in our lives that we may not appreciate at the time in order to stretch and grow us, and to reach others with the gospel. In their case, that even involved Martin losing his physical earthly life (but oh, what he gained!)

I haven't quite finished the book; I'll post a final review when I'm done.

Anybody out there?

I was nagged about posting on my blog, and now that I have I expect some sort of response. Half the fun of writing is to see what other people think of it. Feel free to praise, criticize, or just be indifferent, but PLEASE let me know you are there.

God's Blessings

Yesterday our family returned to our most recent home town and met with our home church. For me it was a bittersweet time. I miss my sisters and brothers there so much. When we are back with them it's as though we never left. God has blessed us so richly with that group of friends who are willing to "hold the rope" for us as we venture out into the world. During our training here, one of the presenters said that two Christians can become better friends in five minutes than two non-Christians can in five days. This is something that my friend Alan has addressed at length in his posts on κοινωνία here. This feeling of fellowship and unity is such an amazing gift that God has given us as His children. Since we are adopted by God as sons, we are truly related to one another! This explains why it is so hard to say goodbye. It's as hard as parting from family, because we are family. That explains why my heart is so heavy within me today, and why I feel as though something is missing in my life--I miss my Messiah friends.

On a happy note, we got to see two beautiful babies who had been born since we left, and we were able to rejoice with two couples who are each expecting their first child. We praise the Lord for these gifts to our brothers and sisters in Christ. We will be thrilled to meet many new children when we return in a few years.

This post is making me sad. More posting later.

So Many Thoughts, So Little TIme

I chatted yesterday with fellow blogger Theron about my frustration with not having time to post on this blog. If things go much longer this way I may have to give up the blog entirely. I have so many things floating around inside my head, brewing and boiling, and yet rarely have time to sit down and write about them. Even now, as I'm writing this, there are other more pressing responsibilities that I'm ignoring. If I don't blog, I feel guilty, and if I do blog, I feel guilty. It's time to go somewhere and indulge in a primal scream.

Brain Overload

My husband and I are currently in training for new jobs which we will soon start. The training is intense, with many seminars and sessions each day as well as reading assignments and all sorts of self-assessments to do in the evenings. I feel as though I'm back in college. There has been no time to read for pleasure (AAAAAARGGHH!!!) or for blogging. On the positive side, my brain feels very active and engaged, as though the cobwebs have been swept back and the gears oiled, revving into high gear. I know I mixed metaphors in that last sentence, by the way. I haven't had to process this much information in this short amount of time since I was 22--and that's a LONG time ago. Although I wish I had more time for writing, I do know that everything we are learning is necessary and valuable, even if we are overwhelmed with our own ignorance.

Pray for us.

The Lake

Nearly fifty years ago my husband's grandfather, Harold Woodard, bought a property on the eastern side of Seneca Lake, in the Finger Lakes region of New York State. It's about halfway up the lake, just north of Lodi Point State Park. There is a comfortable two-story cabin, a dock with a boat hoist, and an incredible view up the lake toward Geneva, NY. On the far south end of the lake lies Watkins Glen, which I posted about yesterday. The lake at this spot is about two miles across, and it is 40 miles long from north to south.

What makes this spot my favorite place on earth is hard to put succinctly into words. There is no telephone here, no television, and only this year is there internet access. What there IS here is total relaxation. A day at the lake proceeds like so: get up whenever you wake up; eat breakfast; read, swim, play games, talk, exercise, go for a stroll; sit on the dock until you are too hot to stand it, then jump in the cold lake until you are shivering and your lips turn blue, then get back out on the dock; eat lunch; repeat the morning acitivities in the afternoon; eat supper; have a campfire; make s'mores; go to bed. On rainy/windy/cold days there are plenty of places to visit in the area, so there is always something to do. It is a routine which fosters family togetherness while still affording each individual plenty of choices for activities. It offers plenty of time to catch up on books that have gone unread, personal devotions, conversations that need to take place, and spending time with family.

I have been coming to the lake for seventeen years now, since the summer I met my husband. He's been coming almost every year since he was born. We spent our honeymoon here. We look forward the rest of the year to our week at the lake. The cabins on either side are family-owned also, so the adults there are my in-laws' age, and their children are now adults like we are, who are now having the next generation. Everybody knows each other fairly well from summer after summer of close proximity. My children have grown up knowing this as their best vacation spot. The love swimming, playing on the shore, and going "tubing" behind the boat. When they are older they'll learn to water-ski like my husband. (My one attempt to learn resulted in a popped blood vessel in one of my eyes, so I've learned to enjoy riding in the boat or being the one staying on the dock to help.)

The physical beauty of this place also factors in to it being my favorite place. The pale, clear light at dawn, the deep crimson of sunset, and the expanse of sky to the west are simply reminders of God's greatness. And the lake: clear and still, or softly wavy with a South wind, or pounding in on the dock and shore from a North wind,--no matter how it's behaving it is beautiful. The sound of the waves at night is anesthetic. Then there is the pleasure of sitting by a fire on a cold, clear night, watching the other fires spring up around the lake, leaning back to gaze up at the stars and identify the constellations.

Now, some people may think that I like it here because when I'm here I am away from other obligations--homeschooling, running a household, church responsibilities, etc. Well, I'm sure that's part of it. Surely a vacation spot is treasured primarily because it's just that--a vacation spot. But even here I must help with the cooking, cleaning, laundry, discipline, and other main responsiblities which I face daily no matter where I am. No, I just think that the combined factors of real relaxation, being with my husband and children, and the beauty that God created bring about a sense of peace for me when I'm here that I haven't found elsewhere. The Lord has blessed our family with being able to come here. I praise Him for it.

Watkins Glen

Today our family walked up Watkins Glen. This river-eroded narrow canyon is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. It ascends 530 feet in a mile and a half of trail that rises from the street level in the town to the top of the bluff overlooking Seneca Lake. There are multiple waterfalls, pools, rock walls, ledges, and steps. It is quite the work-out to climb! What kept overwhelming me was the sheer beauty of God's creation. What is interesting is that in a set of old post-cards that are here in the cabin, from 1919, this is what it says,"...beautiful scenes of breath-taking beauty which must be seen to be appreciated. They are never-to-be-forgotten scenes, and one cannot but be filled with awe and wonder at the magnitude of the handiwork of the Creator." In contrast, all of the signs and educational materials about the Glen today refer to it as the work of Nature; millions of years of evolution of the planet. There is no mention of God--far from it. It is just seen as an accident, a freak result of geologic forces. What does God's Word say about this?
18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness,
19 because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them.
20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse,
21 because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Romans 1:18-21 NKJV
It's amazing to me that people can see such incredible rock formations and NOT believe in God.

Recent Readings

While at my parents' house recently, I read two different books--VERY different books. Now, I didn't take notes on them, and I wish I had. Trying to write about them in retrospect is difficult. One, Civil War Poetry, was a basic anthology of just what the title says--poems about the Civil War (the War Between the States, or as it's sometimes called in rural Georgia, The War of Northern Agression :) ) Standouts include Julia Howe's Battle Hymn of the Republic and Walt Whitman's When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom'd among others. I read the whole book expecting to be moved and touched, especially after our trip to Gettysburg, but, maybe because I had many distractions (3 whose names come easily to mind) during the reading, I wasn't too impressed overall.

The other book I read (actually re-read) was C.S. Lewis' God in the Dock. I was impressed again by his quickness of mind, agility with words, and prowess with the pen. His facile construction of an argument and clear explanation of logic is truly amazing. This series of essays, transcripts of speeches, and short articles is worth the read. However--a few disclaimers lest I be accused of being an ignorant Lewis-worshipper. C.S. Lewis could not bring himself to say that Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation. He explicitly states that he cannot discount God choosing to save people by other means. (He's not referring to Old Testament times.) I had read this book back in college and didn't remember exactly what he wrote, but upon reading The Last Battle again as an adult, I began to wonder about his view of salvation. He has a character in The Last Battle who is a young Calormene who has served Tash the false god his entire life. Aslan tells this young man that whatever he did for Tash that was good, was credited to him for Aslan. Basically this sounds like universalism to me. Would Lewis have said that if someone did good things for the sake of Buddha (which lots of nice peaceful Buddhists do, by the way) that these things are credited to them as having been done for Christ?

Also, Lewis held to the Anglican belief that the Eucharist is necessary for salvation. This is an un-Biblical stand.

On a positive note, Lewis writes arguments which absolutely refute evolution, self-centered Christianity, and materialism. His sense of humor was dry and yet a tad sarcastic. For example, he asks why he should ever listen to someone who believes everything is here by accident. He says that since evolutionists believe they are an accident of nature, then anything they say is also an accident of nature, and therefore not provable. Very well-said.

Now, it is not up to me to determine if C.S. Lewis was saved or not. (Thank God.) But what can I learn from this? Do I hold any beliefs or cling to any practices which are un-Biblical? How can I determine this? It makes me think and pray and strive to align myself so closely with Scripture that the Spirit may show me where I need to change and grow.