Our family has entered a new realm with this cancer thing. On Bobby's Caring Bridge site I'll be keeping everyone up-to-date on his care, whereas on this blog I'll just be journaling my own thoughts and reactions.
So, honestly--this cancer world is a club we never wanted to join. It's the kind of thing that you are thrust into unaware. It reminds me of being at youth group pool parties in high school...not planning on going swimming for whatever reason...and suddenly being pushed into the pool. At first there's total shock. The water is cold, you have trouble catching your breath, and you may feel really angry. There's nothing you can do at that point--you're already soaked, you're completely in the pool, so you may as well join the rest of the swimmers and have some fun. It's the "fun" part where the analogy breaks down a little. Nothing about this situation is really very fun.
Of course, our family tries to have fun and laugh no matter what happens, but these days a lot of humor rings hollow for me. I'm finding it ironic that my husband preached on the topic of suffering the first weekend in January. I'm having trouble understanding how we are ever going to regain a sense of normalcy in our lives. I'm lonely for my friends from North Carolina. I'm lonely for my friends in India. I'm working on rebuilding friendships with people here in the Savannah area, where we haven't lived for four years. I'm discovering that the promises we read so nonchalantly in the Bible are true: God gives us peace, He'll never forsake us, if we lack wisdom we just need to ask, He created us and knows us and the plans He has for us. These are the truths to which I'm clinging these days.
I hope that over the next few months I can still find time to read good books, watch good movies, and have some intellectual life beyond learning everything I can about Burkitt's lymphoma and all the anti-cancer drugs which are used to treat it. But even if I don't--I do know that this entire situation can bring glory to God. I keep thinking of that song "Let my lifesong sing to you..." That's what I desire. (On a sarcastic note--Eric and I used to sing that song as "Let Mike Nifong sing to you..." People from the Raleigh area will know what that's about...) Seriously, I pray that our lives through this trying time will glorify the Lord. What more could we ask?