Breast Cancer in the Time of COVID-19 Part 4: The Support of Family and Friends

In my last post, Part 3 of this series, I mentioned that when I got my diagnosis I was at lunch with three friends, who immediately prayed for me. That was just the beginning of the incredible amount of support I have received from both family and friends. I don't know how anyone goes through a cancer battle alone, without supportive friends and family members. I have been supported, from the very beginning, in a variety of ways by many, many people. Let me tell you about my social media support, my Amazon Wish List, the Meal Train, the random acts of kindness and gifts, the #WeRunForAlice movement, the constant prayer support, and the cards, letters, texts, and messages from friends. 

The first thing I did after my friends prayed with me was to call my husband, Eric. We then told our children that same day, and both my parents and his parents. My next step was to tell my five siblings and Eric' sister. Once we had told family, I began to tell close friends through phone calls and text messages. Finally, I posted on Facebook. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Immediately the responses flooded in, with words of comfort, support, and prayer. Within a day or two, nearly 400 people had commented, and I saw my prayer warriors enjoin the battle by my side, I created a page just for my cancer journey, and a crowd of people signed up to get the updates that way. A few friends, in particular, have already gone through breast cancer, or are still in treatment for it, and they reached out immediately to give me advice and support. My college friend, Holly, snet me a list right away of things that might help my battle be a little easier, things to help along the way. I can't remember if she suggested this, or somebody else did, (I think Holly did,) but somebody told me I should make a Wish List on Amazon, and let people know about it. Holly kicked things off by sending me a few things that she knew would come in handy.

When somebody is diagnosed with cancer, or if one of their loved ones dies, most of us want to help in some way, but it's quite hard to figure out exactly how to help. In my case, there was really nothing anybody could do at first except pray. I hadn't started chemo yet, and I was just trying to keep teaching and handle all the emotional upheaval that comes with a cancer diagnosis. But I took the time to make a Wish List on Amazon, and my daughter Caroline and I published it on Facebook. What happened next really took my breath away. Within a DAY the Wish List items had all been bought! How incredible is that? We're talking about a fairly big list, with a lot of stuff on it: hats and beanies for when I lost my hair, a heating pad, a video camera to make vlogs, slippers, socks, an ice beanie, stomach settling drops, lotions, blankets, hand sanitizer, sanitizing wipes, shirts to wear during chemo, books about breast cancer, acupressure bands to fight nausea, and much more. Within an incredibly short time, they had all been purchased and sent my way. Several people encouraged me to add some more things to the list, so I did. Again, they were bought up quickly. We spent the next couple of weeks making Unboxing Videos for my YouTube channel, showing all the things I had gotten. It was overwhelming. Everyone provided for my needs, which would have cost our family a LOT of money. This was a tangible way they could help.

Next, my daughter set up a Meal Train site so that we could have people volunteer to provide meals twice a week, and Eric's mom would bring a meal another night a week (with leftovers and soup to provide one or two more meals!)  Once again, my frriends and family offered their love and support. Signups for meals, gifts cards to restaurants, and digital gift cards for apps like GrubHub, Seamless, and UberEats came pouring in. My mother-in-law committed to cooking for us every Thursday while I have my chemo treaments. Friends in the area have brought over delicious home-cooked meals. Other friends have sent gift cards or money, once again providing for our family. I love to cook, and usually cook almost every night for our family. During the semesters, when I'm teaching, I do a crockpot meal once or twice a week and cook the other nights. Sometimes we plan to have leftovers ("bonus food!") one night a week. But now, during chemo, I don't have the energy to do this. The amount of standing involved, and the quick moving around the kitchen from task to task, makes me tired and dizzy. Eric, Mary, and Bobby can all cook various things, and are learning to cook more and more during this time. But it's nice to have three days a week taken care of by other people. In fact, nice is not a powerful enough word. It's a major, monumental help to us.

Along with meals, we have had many people show us acts of kindness, randomly, out of the goodness of their hearts. Hand-made lap quilts, hand-sewn little pillows for the shoulder strap on my seatbelt (they protect my port, and once I have surgery they will be soft on my surgical site,) flowers, candy, other gifts of food, hydration powder, meat (grass-fed beef!), custom-made T-shirts, baskets full of fun goodies, encouraging sayings on home decor, random gifts like the running recovery sandals one dear friend just gave me...all of these cheer me up and show me that people truly care. 

Another group of people that has shown me incredible love and support is the local running community. Our Run Family, as we call them, is a wonderful group of people who always encourage and support one another, no matter what happens. At fun runs and races this means cheering everyone else on, no matter their level of running ability. Fast or slow, walker or runner, it doesn't matter. We are all just happy that everyone showed up and is doing something to be healthy. When our Run Family members move away, they are still part of our family. It's like a relative has moved to another state. We stay in touch as well as we can on social media, and when they come back to town for something, it's a family reunion. One of our Run Family members who lives in Virginia now came up with the idea of using the hashtags #IRunForAlice and #WeRunForAlice so that the runners can tag me on social media, and I can enjoy seeing their runs during this time when I cannot go running or go to races. This has been fantastic for me to see! Just before I started treatment, I ran a 10K race, and a whole bunch of the runners, particular the Stroller Strong young women, showed up decked out in pink, with signs and even paper copies of my face/head, to cheer me on in my last race for a while.

They continue to support me like this. Our friend Brittany carries my paper face with her, so that I can "be" there for things, and sometimes they call me on FaceTime so I can be involved, like when a whole group of runners from Savannah went to Atlanta to watch a lady we know (Dawn Grunnagle) run at the Olympic Marathon trials. There I was, in the group picture, with my run family. Look at the right-hand side of the picture, at the phone in my daughter Mary's hand:

We also have a big ultra-runner/trail runner group here in Savannah, and although I'm not either of those things, Eric loves to run the trails and has done several of the runs and races with the group.  In January, Eric and I volunteered  a race they direct, the Daufuskie They have decided to bless our family with the proceeds of one of their races, the Savannah Stone Stairs of Death. The ultra runners like the Rough Runners and other race director companies like Endurance Race Services and Fleet Feet, often use races to fundraise for people and organizations in our community. In fact, just last year several of our local run family members partnered with ERS to raise funds for us to help pay Mary's medical bills from when she had thyroid cancer. It's incredibly humbling to ask for help, and equally humbling when a group of people suddenly asks if they can help you out like this. The running community takes care of its own.

Finally, I receive a constant stream of support from both family and friends in the forms of phone calls, cards, letters, texts, emails, Facebook posts and messages, and sometimes showing up at our door while on a run or walk. These things help more than anybody can ever know. It helps me to maintain contact with all of my friends, even when I'm isolating myself from most of the world because of my compromised immune system. The threat of COVID-19 heightens the level of caution and the acccompanying anxiety as I contemplate possibly becoming infected with it. I have to be extremely careful, so I am, in effect, cut off from most of my aqcuaintances and friends and most normal activities. When people remember to text or call, it means the world to me. 

As I said at the beginning of this post, I don't know how anybody goes through cancer treatment without a virtual battalion of fighters coming alongside them, fighting the battle with them. God has provided me with an amazing group of friends, both here in Savannah and all over the world, and the most wonderful family ever. How can I not be thankful?