around in my head these days. It's hard to even put things into words or at least, words that make sense. I was in a depressed state for a while there and feel like I've come out of it. Reading Elizabeth George's Finding God's Path Through Your Trials, which I haven't finished yet, has really challenged me to "count it all joy" and quit feeling sorry for myself and my family. I had forgotten for a few weeks to count my blessings and instead was totaling up my worries. When will Eric get a job? Where will we live? How will we not go bankrupt before this all happens? What about setting up a house? Where will we get everything? What if Bobby really isn't in remission and the cancer comes back?
I have a genetically inherited tendency to worry about things (no disrespect intended, Mom) and I have to fight that tendency pretty hard right now. In God's Word I read "Do not be anxious about anything" and "Cast all your cares upon the Lord" and "I waited patiently for the Lord, He inclined and heard my cry." The trouble for me is how to put these things into effect day-to-day. The Lord has been helping me. A few weeks ago He sent our friend Rachel to us for the day to encourage us in our prayer life and in fasting. Her account of revival at her church was inspiring and made me stop and take stock of my own life. Do I long for personal revival as well as universal-church-wide revival? Am I in the Word daily, praying during a devotional time as well as throughout the day in order to stay in close contact with the Lord? I have decided that all I can really do right now is learn to count life on hold as joy.
I went back and read my post from last year about this same topic and reminded myself of a few things: God is in control. I do not have to be in control. There are plenty of things to do while we are waiting on the Lord. Things could be a lot worse: we have a nice, pleasant house to live in, Bobby is in remission, the girls are doing well, we are all healthy, we have a great church to attend, we have lots of friends to call on in times of need, and we are saved by His grace and mercy. When I put things in perspective I am overwhelmed at God's goodness and love. And when I'm tempted to start worrying again, or feeling down,I can always go to His word and meditate on it. Phil. 4:8 helps a lot, as does that good ol' stand-by Prov. 3:5-6.
Another thing that helps, and about which I've blogged before is being thankful for everything God has given me. Right now at the top of that list is my husband, Eric. He is amazing. I know it's driving him nuts not to have a job right now, but he still treats me like a queen. And I love the fact that he leads our family in Bible study together almost every day (not usually on Sundays or Wednesdays.) He has been teaching us through the each book of the Bible, not reading through every book, but learning the basics about each book: who is the author (if known,) what are the theme/main passages/main ideas, what are the main things we can learn from it. It has been wonderful so far. We are in Psalms right now. I feel so blessed to have a husband who loves God's Word and wants our children to know it and love it, too.