An Excellent Resource for Anyone Who is Suffering

Good theology is esential if we are going to suffer well. It will help us persevere during our trials, and it will give us hope. We believe that "Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning" (Ps. 30:5). It is faith in our good and sovereign God that enables us to wait until the morning. But we must never forget that often the night is long and the weeping uncontrollable.(175)

So begins Dustin Shramek's essay "Waiting for the Morning during the Long Night of Weeping" in Suffering and the Sovereignty of God,an excellent book edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor. The book is actually a collection of chapters written by several different authors: John Piper, Mark R. Talbot, Stephen F. Saint, Carl F. Ellis, Jr., David Powlison, Dustin Shramek, and Joni Eareckson Tada. These writings are organized under three main headings: The Sovereignty of God in Suffering, The Purposes of God in Suffering, and The Grace of God in Suffering.

The chapters cover the spectrum of Christian writing styles, from the deep and complex theological treatment "All the Good That is Ours in Christ":Seeing God's Gracious Hand in the Hurts Others Do to Us (by Mark Talbot)to the more conversational yet Biblically-rooted easier-to-read Sovereignty, Suffering, and the Work of Missions (by Stephen Saint.) The former has enough footnotes to make even the most stalwart scholar go pale, but in all fairness to Talbot, he does warn us that we should read it through first without the footnotes, and then re-read it with them. Once I did that, his meaning was clear and I truly enjoyed his writing style. I liked the fact that there were several different authors with varied styles and different perspectives on suffering. It also helped to know what intense suffering some of them have gone through in their own lives, which gives them credibility and lends weight to their statements.

What did I learn from this book? There are too many things to list them all here, so I'll just hit the highlights:

John Piper gives an excellent explanation for God's sovereignty over suffering, and how God's ordaining of something we consider "evil" happening does not mean that He is the cause of the evil Himself. Piper gives us ten areas in which God is sovereign over Satan, explaining each one thoroughly. In later chapters, Piper deals with the sufferings of Christ and the question of WHY? that so many of us ask ourselves about our own sufferings. (The short answer to the WHY? question is "Because it brings God glory." The long answer is given by Piper in describing six different things that suffering does or produces in our lives, which in turn bring God glory.)

The ultimate purpose of the universe is to display the greatness of the glory of the grace of God. The highest, clearest, surest display of that glory is in the suffering of the best Person in the universe for millions of undeserving sinners. Therefore, the ultimate reason that suffering exists in the universe is so that Christ might display the greatness of the glory of the grace of God by suffering in himself to overcome our suffering and bring about the praise of the glory of the grace of God. (89)

Mark Talbot explains the theology of the sovereignty of God over evil VERY thoroughly, working into his chapter an explanation of Open Theism and then refuting it.

Stephen Saint offers a very well-thought-out argument for the idea that God not only "allowed" his father's death, but actually "planned" it and then says:

You know what my conclusion is? I don't think God merely tolerated my dad's death. I don't think he turned away when it was happening. I think he planned it. Otherwise I don't think it would have happened. This was a hard realization for me to come to. I once said that while speaking at a church, and a man came up afterwards and said, "Don't you ever say that again about my God." Afterward I found these verses in Acts 2: "Men of Israel, listen to these words. Jesus the Nazarene, a man attested to you by God with miracles and wonders and signs which God performed through him in your midst, just as you yourselves know, you know he was God. You nailed him to a cross, you godless people. But he was delivered up to you by the predetermined plan of God." vv. 22-23. Then I thought: Don't anybody tell me that this can't be. If God could plan the death of his own righteous Son, why couldn't he plan the death of my dad? (117)

Joni Eareckson Tada gives invaluable insight from her many years of suffering as a quadriplegic, and the other authors' chapters are good, also.

Several things in this book convicted me about my own attitudes and actions. I felt struck in the face by Ellis' idea that "In essence, we reenact the fall every time we give in to temptation." (123) OUCH!!! What a concept! I realized that I need to stop and take stock of my own life, my sins, my giving in to temptation, before I complain about any suffering I may be enduring. I need to place God's glory above my pain. I need to stop asking "WHY?" and start looking for how God is being glorified through this experience.

To put it all in perspective, here is my favorite paragraph from the book, in Ellis' chapter:

In many ways suffering is a mystery. I take comfort in what Francis Schaeffer told me many times: "We only see the debit side of the ledger now. We don't see the credit side yet. When we see the whole ledger we will say, 'Oh, why didn't I see it that way before?'" This is why the Bible tells us to see now by faith. Though suffering is a mystery to us, it is not a mystery to God. Mysteries may be painful, but they should not perplex us. To God, there is no mystery. He is satisfied because He sees the whole ledger. We will also be satisfied when we see things from God's perspective. Till then, we must learn to be satisfied with God's satisfaction. If we do, we will have peace.(125-126)

If you are currently suffering in some way, or if you work with or are just friends with someone who is, I urge you to read this book.

Can You Hold, Please? Part II

Since Thursday I've been thinking a lot about this idea of life being on hold, and I realized that there are two major areas in my life where being on hold is difficult.

First is the fact that because of Bobby's immunity (or lack thereof) we have not been able to attend church regularly. We are having regular family Bible study, but haven't been able to gather with other believers and sing, praise, pray, study God's Word, and otherwise edify and be edified. This is really hard for me, as I think it would be for anyone. Even when we were overseas we met regularly with other believers--on Sunday mornings with a larger group for what would be considered a more traditional "worship service," and on Wednesday evenings with a small group for a meal and Bible study. For four short months we shared our lives with this small group, and our fellowship was suddenly interrupted. In fact, we had just begun to discuss organizing/creating more structure in order to form a house church which could then be a model for new believers. Now, we aren't a part of any local body, and this makes me feel very disconnected.

The other area of difficulty is this: because we are in a very stressful time of life, we are being ministered to BY others, but have not been able to minister TO others. Although I deeply appreciate all of the support and encouragement, and in fact believe that it is what has gotten us through this time so far, I miss being in a position to reach out and minister to others. Sure, I've prayed for and with many people since the start of this, listened to problems that some of the nurses and staff are having, and continued to pray for all of our friends and family here in the U.S. and overseas. But I miss being able to minister in more concrete ways. Then again, this lack of opportunity comes from not being connected to a church body.

Perhaps once we find out the results of Bobby's upcoming scan we will be able to plan our future a little more, and be able to join up with some sort of local church body, which will then give us people with which to share life and to whom we can minister.

In the meantime I'll just keep listening to the music while I'm on hold...

Can You Hold, Please?

Yesterday I spent almost half an hour on "hold" with our medical insurance company. I was checking on the injectable drug we need for Bobby (and still do not have a definitive answer as to when it's coming.) Now, you have to understand: I usually hate being on hold. It seems like such a waste of time. Usually my blood pressure rises and I can feel my annoyance level soar. But yesterday, as the woman I was dealing with kept coming back on the line and saying "Can you continue to hold?" I made up my mind not to be impatient. I popped myself some kettle corn, wrote some thank you notes, and made a to-do list. I figured it was better to use the time wisely than to just sit there fuming. The insurance lady seemed pretty surprised that I was still cheerful after twenty-five minutes. I apologized for crunching popcorn in her ear, and she reassured me that it was okay. Hmmmm...

Even though I still got no answers, I have been thinking about this experience a lot since then. I think that I was able to handle it better than I have in the past because of everything we have been going through lately. In a sense, our lives are on hold right now. We are constantly waiting--for blood counts to come back, to see how Bobby reacts to a particular drug, for an IV infusion to end, and now for the PET scan which isn't until May 30th. Living life on hold is very stressful. We are waiting to see what God is going to do next in our lives, and because Eric and I are both planners, this is difficult. I prefer to know things ahead of time, make a list, and get things done. Right now it's easy to get anxious, living on hold. Sometimes I feel my pressure start to rise, my stress increase; it is at these times that I have to purpose in my heart and mind to be patient. The Psalms help a lot: check out Ps. 27:12; 33:20; 37:7; and 40:1. I have to remind myself each day to be still and know that He is God. I also have been looking for worthwhile things to do to occupy the time as we live "on hold." I realize that I do have lots of time to spend with my husband and children, caring for them. I have been able to read some good books. I don't have to put everything on hold just because some of our major life decisions are in limbo. The other thing I remind myself of is that God is the one in control here, and He knows what's going to happen when life clicks back on the line. I don't need to worry about it! And unlike our insurance people, He has all the answers, and will give us what we need to know when we need it.

Extreme Makeover?

Most of us have seen a magazine article or a television show in which women or men receive a "makeover," usually with dramatic results. "Wow!" we think, they really did a lot for that person; they look so much better. Often these makeovers are used as advertising for a particular cosmetic line or to showcase the skills of a makeup artist or hairdresser. We are led to believe that these changes can only be effected by professionals. (Don't try this at home, kids!) My cynical brain has noticed a few things about these makeovers, specifically about the "before and after" photos. In the "before" shots, the person usually: is not smiling, is dressed in drab or blah colors, has uncombed hair, is generally looking depressed and not doing ANYTHING to look decent. Then in the "after" picture, lo and behold! They are wearing a bright color, their hair is beautifully coiffed, and suddenly they are smiling--all is right with the world. Couldn't we achieve this same effect without professional help? This morning Bobby's nurses helped me do my own before and after pics, with results every bit as dramatic (I THINK):


What a difference a shower, some makeup, a bright colored shirt, a flat-iron for my hair, and a happy smile can make! Okay, I know I'm still not winning any beauty contests, but come on! Those pictures in the magazines are just not that incredible. Anyone can improve their appearance with just a little effort and discipline, a good brush, and a cheerful attitude.

Now, lest you think I'm staying shallow with this one, let me say that just doing this fun little experiment has me thinking about another transformation in my life: my salvation. According to the Bible I am a new creature and should be transformed by the renewing of my mind, into a reflection of God. Proverbs 31:30 says that "charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." So although physical makeovers are pleasant, a much more important transformation in our lives is our spiritual makeover. Sometimes this spiritual makeover can be painful, and not as simple as a physical transformation. As God peels away my layers it can really hurt, but I try to keep in mind that the end result will be wonderful. This train of thought also carries me to these questions: Do I display a radical transformation, an extreme makover, in my life as a result of being saved? Am I vastly different than I was before I was saved? What effort and discipline do I put into my spiritual appearance? What tools should I be using daily to renew my mind and refresh my spirit? I am deeply convicted by these questions. They make me think of an old gospel song:

Let the beauty of Jesus be seen in me;
All His wonderful passion and purity.
Oh, Thou Spirit divine, all my nature refine,
'Til the beauty of Jesus be seen in me.

That is the prayer of my heart.

Just for fun this morning...

I'd like to direct you to an interesting story I came across by way of a comment left on "Tom in the Box," and a follow-up article that is more recent. I'm astounded. Let's just look at two statements from the first article, and deal with one in a serious manner, and the other...well, you'll see...

Sommer, an evolutionary anthropologist, said: 'It's untenable to talk of dividing humans and humanoid apes because there are no clear-cut criteria - neither biological, nor mental, nor social.'

WHAT?!?!?! Even if our DNA is 96-98.4 per cent similar, as scientists claim, can anyone truly say there are no mental or social differences between humans and chimps? Are you kidding me? The biggest difference is this: human beings are created in God's image, and given dominion over other living creatures. Of course, I believe this because I believe the Bible to be God's inspired, inerrant Word. Once people throw out the Bible, they throw out any sense that we as humans are any different from animals. This is a big push in evolutionary education. It reminds me of the Disney song "You (Are a Human Animal)." I can't remember all the lyrics, but they say something like: "You are a human animal, you are a very special breed, for you are the only animal, who can think, who can reason, who can read." Interesting, eh? Even though the song equates humans with animals, it also (and perhaps unintentionally) points out the HUGE differences between us. Can animals think well enough to form an argument or philosophize? Can they reason (and here I'm referring to higher reasoning, not "see--banana--eat")? Can they read? NO. In the second article, one of the chimp's friends says that "Being with him is like playing with someone who can't talk." Okay--is it really? Can he understand every word you say? Is he thinking coherent thoughts, wishing he could reply? C'mon, people! This is not a human being who is merely unable to communicate freely. He is a chimp. And because I believe the Bible, I believe that human beings are made in the image of God, and chimps are not.
The other quote:

If Hiasl is granted human status, Martin Balluch, of the Association against Animal Factories, who has worked to bring the case, wants him to sue the vivisection laboratory. He said: 'We argue that he's a person and he's capable of owning something himself, as opposed to being owned, and that he can manage his money. This means he can start a court case against Baxter, which at the very least should mean his old age pension is secure.'

Wait a second--did I read that correctly? He (the chimp, not Balluch) "can manage his money"? and needs pension security? Have these people truly lost touch with reality? How can a chimp manage its money? Will he line his bed with it, eat it, or poop on it? Does this man really think that a chimp has a concept of the value of currency? Then Balluch stretches the absurdity even further by saying that the chimp should be able to initiate his own lawsuit. How? Does Balluch somehow have telepathy with the chimp? Will the chimp be able to type his request up? (That could go WAY off into how long it would take a room full of monkeys....ok, I'll stop.) Is Balluch serious about this? Why doesn't he truthfully say that he and his organization want to be able to control the money that has been donated to the chimp? Balluch's "Association Against Animal Factories" has such notable acheivements under its belt as rescuing hens and liberating lab rats. So now we come to another, related issue: These people are elevating animals to human status while ignoring the plight of humans in this world. Since 1973 there have been over 46 million abortions worldwide (40 million in the U.S. alone.) Millions of children worldwide die from starvation or easily curable diseases like malaria each year, or lead lives of illness, with scarce food and no safe water. And yet these people are pouring their time, energy, and money into saving the life of one chimp.

I have no more words.

Why Can't I Think Straight?

Yesterday I called the way I feel inside my head lately "mind-fog." I can't think of a better way to describe this. I feel as though my brain has dropped down to about a two-thirds capacity working level--thinking, writing, concentrating, and being productive mentally are all much harder than they should be. So the big question is WHY?

Obviously, what we are going through does play a major part in this. I have been living at an elevated level of stress for almost a year now, and the last three months that stress level was kicked up a few notches. It's hard to get good sleep in the hospital when Bobby is in-patient, and even when he's out I tend to wake up a lot at night and have trouble going back to sleep. I wouldn't say that I'm am worried a lot, but stressed is definitely a good descriptor. But I think there is more going on here than the stress over Bobby. I have two other ideas for how I feel: first, it may be that my hormones are out of whack, and my thyroid is not doing so well. I'm already on thyroid medication, but perhaps it would benefit me to go to an endocrinologist and have a full check-up. Of course, the hormone thing could be triggered by the stress....Second, it may be that I'm dealing with an allergic reaction to the fairly new paint in this house. I have had trouble with these same symptoms before, and the only thing we could relate them to was new paint. The solution to this would be to make sure I spend a decent amount of time outdoors each day breathing fresh air. And perhaps I should see an allergy specialist.

There is a spiritual side to this as well. Through all of this the Lord has been teaching me that throughout my life, and especially the last several months, I have tried to rely on myself too much and not on Him. He is showing me that the only way I can get through this difficult time is to lean completely on Him, casting all my cares (stress/anxiety/worry)on Him. I confess that I often fail at this, instead believing that I can handle things on my own (after all, I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and people like me!*) I have been way too self-reliant all my life, and I think the Lord is teaching me that self-reliance is the quickest way to failure. This morning I re-read Proverbs 3:1-8.

My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away form evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

Today I plan on spending some time confessing sin, praying about how I can be more faithful and steadfast, and asking God to help me keep leaning on Him and not on my own understanding. I could sure use some "healing to my flesh and refreshment to my bones."

*this is a reference to a Saturday Night Live skit from the '90s, for those who don't know

How I'm Doing These Days....Really...

So, I've been nagged second-hand by a certain person, who shall remain nameless here, that I need to post on my blog after my last few weeks of silence. I believe the smarty comment had something to do with wanting to know whether my advanced age (40) has anything to do with my seeming inability to blog. Now, this particular person should know that this is not the case, as he seems as prolific as ever on his blog! No, the problem is that I've been thinking so many deep thoughts that I just don't have the time to write them down.

But seriously...I haven't been writing for several reasons, which I'll try to describe cogently but succinctly here.

First, when I've had time to be on the computer I have spent it updating Bobby's Caringbridge site or reading other people's blogs and commenting on them. Second, other free time has been spent reading "Desiring God" by John Piper, and "Eragon" by Christopher Paolini. How is that for juxtaposition? Both books are pretty good...I'll give my opinions in a minute. Finally, I haven't been writing because my brain seems scrambled and scattered these days, and it's hard to put thoughts together coherently. I am very tired and stressed, and honestly not doing as well as a few weeks ago when I wrote this.
I'll post tomorrow about why I think I've been feeling this way (some of you are thinking "Duh! Her little boy has cancer.") I don't think that's all there is to it, but today I want to write about the two books I just finished.

"Desiring God" should be required reading for all Christians. In it, Piper explains his thoughts on "Christian hedonism," the idea that we are to ENJOY God, not just fear and obey Him, and how this brings Him glory. He discusses the concept of duty vs. enjoyment and how it relates to loving others, stewardship, worship, marriage, missions, suffering, and other aspects of our lives. It took me a while to read through because it seemed that nearly every page convicted me of something in my life or made me stop and ruminate. I have begun to ask myself--Do I truly enjoy and delight in the Lord? Do I do things in my life out of a mere sense of duty or obligation or do I strive to honor the Lord by serving Him GLADLY? I finished the book feeling challenged, with a renewed sense of purpose and commitment. If you haven't yet read it, I would encourage you to get your hands on a copy.

"Eragon" was a much easier read, and I actually read it because my 13-year-old, who writes book reviews of her own, had finished it and enjoyed it. I did enjoy the book, but couldn't help noticing the plot's similarities to "Star Wars." Apparently I'm not the only person who thought this. Let's see: a young man living in an Empire, being raised by his uncle, finds something unusual, sees his uncle killed and the family farm burned, meets an old man who begins to tutor him in the ways of the Force, er, I mean magic, goes on a journey with the old man and is given a sword, meets a sidekick/friend, saves a beautiful princess from jail...you get the picture. The parallels are not perfect but are strong enough to seem annoying. The descriptions seem overblown and the dialogue somewhat forced. The fact that it was written by a 15-year-old mitigates the book's problems somewhat, and I do think that Paolini will be a name in the realm of fantasy lit for a long time if he continues to churn out books at his current rate. I haven't seen the movie yet, but since my sweet daughter has it on hold at our library I'm sure that will happen soon.

As for my current reading, I have moved on to "Suffering and the Sovereignty of God" edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor. I'll post a review of it in a few days.

Tomorrow I'll write about my general mind-fog...

FORTY? WHO?

Today is my 40th birthday. I find this hard to believe. As of today, all five of my siblings and I are in our 40s. I have lived in parts of five decades and witnessed some monumental moments in our country's history:

1969 the landing on the moon (I actually have very dim memories of this)
A big blur of early 70s.....
1976 bicentennial celebration, Carter elected
1979-81 fall of the Shah of Iran, ensuing hostage crisis, etc.
1980s-early 90s Reagan, Bush I, fall of the Soviet Union, Desert Storm
1990s-Clinton yada, yada, yada
April 19, 1993 Burning of the Branch Davidians in Waco, TX
April 19, 1995 Oklahoma City bombing
April 20, 1999 Columbine shootings
2001-9/11--I'll never forget that day
2007-Alan Knox turning 40 before me! :)

As you may have noticed, my birthday seems to be a magnet for horrible occurrences (it's also Hitler's birthday) and is apparently a holy day for potheads everywhere
Every year I find myself holding my breath on my birthday, waiting to see what might happen. Now, this year we've already had our sometime-around-the 20th tragedy, I hope. I pray no other insane, evil people will do anything today. It's kind of hard to celebrate a birthday when everyone is glued to their TVs watching the latest disaster coverage. (What this all says about my birth, I don't know. Feel free to comment...)

Now, this post is not only a cheap ploy to get people to wish me a happy birthday--and to remind my sister Ruth that next year she'll be the first of the Putney kids to hit 50--but also a way of reflecting on my age and my life. I feel pretty good for forty, and I thank God for my husband, children, and friends. But as I reflect on middle age today, mostly I am ashamed that I have not done more for God's kingdom. I pray today for boldness in witnessing, for humility in serving, for strength in enduring life's struggles. I pray that I can spend the next forty years living all-out for the Lord, and not have any regrets, as I do now about my first forty years.

May God bless you on my birthday and every day.

Sudoku Re-visited

As I suspected when I ranted about Sudoku, many people have strong opinions about that pasttime. Eric's Uncle Mel, a retired math professor, wrote me such a good letter that I thought I'd post it as kind-of a guest blog:

"Do you like to climb mountains? Why do people climb mountains? I have heard that it’s just because they (the mountains) are there. Is there any physical satisfaction in climbing a mountain? I am sure there is. Is there mental satisfaction in doing so? I am sure that some would say yes. If you ever spent several days climbing a mountain would there be any satisfaction at all.

Some people enjoy life by doing complicated tasks. Others do simple tasks and there are many examples of both simple and complicated tasks, too many to even go in to.

Now some say that doing Sudoku is too simple to waste one's time on. One person told me it’s too much like Math 101. Others take great pride in being able to solve even the simple or easy ones. It so happens that my brothers, my sister and I like to do Sudoku. Learning the techniques that one must use to solve each one is very fascinating.

Some say it’s too mathematical but let me assure that there is very little mathematics involved. Change the 1’s to A, the 2’s to B, the 3’s to C and so forth and where is the Mathematics? The only mathematics is really the “Pigeon Hole Principle” The Pigeon Hole Principle is easy to understand. If you have N items to put in N Pigeon Holes then it is possible to put exactly one item in every Pigeon Hole and it will exactly fill up every hole with exactly one item. Pretty Basic, right?

So here we have nine items, the numerals one through nine. You could say they are numbers but they are really the numerals representing the numbers 1-9.

Now we must put each of the numbers in the Pigeon Holes so that :

a. Each numeral appears in each row exactly once

b. Each numeral appears in each column exactly once

c. Each numeral appears in each 3 by 3 square exactly once.

Supposedly, the composers of the puzzle include enough numerals to start so that the solution can be made in only one way.

These puzzles can be done while watching a sporting event on TV. One can watch the TV, do the puzzle and not miss one play. A person who is unable to read on a plane or in a moving car because of the motion can do Soduku. Of course, one will miss the beauty of God’s earth, while traveling, but that does not matter if driving across parts of Texas. I suppose some might even attempt to do one while listening to a sermon in Church but I would not even suggest that.

Now some of these puzzles are harder than others but I have not been stumped one a 9 by 9 one yet. They are supposed to be able to be solved with logic and not trial and error. There are two that I have had to use trial and error and this bothers me. I must be missing one of the clues but I will keep looking. I also have a friend who will use a pencil only to put the final numeral in the box. He will use no possible list of numbers in each box as my sister and I do. You should not do these if they frustrate you because I will just go on entertaining myself."

Of course--he's a math genius, so the annoying little puzzles are easy for him! But he's also a sweet, loving man, so I know he's sincere, and if I get stuck on one I could always call on him for help. Also, I've actually done quite a few more Sudoku since Bobby has been in the hospital so much, and I've come to enjoy them. But only if they are labeled "Very Easy" or "Easy."

Mourning Modesty

One interesting aspect of American culture is the idea most Americans have about how much skin it is acceptable for women to show in public, compared to other countries. In India, women are expected to cover their legs and wear a scarf that will cover up their bosom. Although some belly is allowed when women wear a sari, the voluminous skirt and wrapped upper scarf create a general effect of modesty and femininity.

Since our return to this country I have noticed that American women are now not only showing a lot of leg and belly, but also displaying large amounts of cleavage. What used to be acceptable clothing only in strip bars, fashion shows, and nightclubs is now every-day-wear across the country in malls, dentist offices, and even churches. Shorts are shorter than ever and shirts are tighter, with deep v-necks being the order of the day. As many of us know, most American women are overweight (I include myself in this--I need to drop about 25 pounds.) Yet even extremely overweight individuals are wearing tight, revealing clothing. Have all of the floor-length mirrors in the nation suddenly shattered? What ever happened to looking in a mirror before leaving home, and if anything was hanging out, exposed, too tight, or too see-through, CHANGING?! I really don't want to see that much of other people's bodies, and I don't think it's good for the men of the world to have all of that cleavage around, either. As for swimsuits...don't get me started!

I really am disturbed by the trend over the last five years or so of women showing more and more of their bodies. It used to be that undergarments were hidden--it was a big deal if a girl's bra strap was showing, for example. Now, bras and underpants both can hang out of clothing and nobody is supposed to even notice. This trend has spread into churches, where women show up in short, short skirts and deep-cut blouses and then wonder why some guys stare at them.

In 1 Tim. 2:9-10 Paul wrote, "I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God."

1 Peter 3:3 says "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes."

Apparently in those days women were drawing attention to themselves through their adornments rather than by exposing themselves, nevertheless immodesty was a problem even that long ago. It is a huge problem today. I have taught my daughters that modesty is not just about clothing but about our general attitude and behavior. It is possible to be dressed modestly and yet behave immodestly. So we must ask ourselves the question: Do we behave modestly or are we constantly drawing attention to ourselves? Does the way we dress make us a spectacle, or just reflect a humble, modest attitude?

When I went shopping a few days ago it was hard to find anything that was modest and yet remotely "stylish." For me this isn't that big of a problem since I don't really care that much about fashion; I prefer to wear things that are comfortable but look decent (or at least "semi-decent" as Eric will attest to.) But for my 13-year-old this is a MAJOR problem. I don't want her to have a "hoochie-mama" look, but I also don't want to make her dress as though she's forty. Thank God, she already prefers longer skirts to jeans or shorts, and she tries to dress modestly. Tomorrow we are going shopping for clothing for her, and I am sincerely praying that we can find some clothing that will not look old and fuddy-duddy, yet will still be modest.

I mourn the general loss of modesty in our nation. I pray that Christian ladies everywhere will promote modesty of dress, attitude, and behavior, following God's Word in Titus 2:

3Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,

4so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,

5to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

Piper books in progress...

One reason I haven't blogged in a while is that I am currently reading "Desiring God" by John Piper, and it takes up a lot of my free time. When I'm done with that one, I'll be reading a book that he edited along with Justin Taylor about the sovereignty of God and suffering. That one includes essays from many different authors. When I'm done reading those I will post about them.

How Am I Really Doing?

I've had several people ask me lately, "How are you doing?" When I say, "OK" or "Pretty well considering the circumstances" I often get a knowing look, and then the person says, "No, how are you REALLY doing?"

All right, people, stop it already! I am not the kind of person who lies and says I am fine if I'm really not. The truth is I really am doing okay, better than I thought I would be during all of this. This can only be attributed to the Lord. He has given me peace and strength and endurance beyond anything I've ever imagined.

Sure, I have my down moments. I feel tired and stressed. I often wonder about our future, about Bobby's future. I get teary-eyed over simple things. All of this is normal. But the fact is that most of the time I am feeling the presence of the Lord very closely--and how else could I be going through this? I am doing okay as long as I daily, and often many times a day, consciously lay my burdens at the Lord's feet and let Him carry them for me. It's on days when I try to shoulder the burden on my own that I start to falter. The Lord is really teaching me my need to trust Him and give Him utter control of my life. And I praise Him for it!

No Compromise: Salt and Light

This morning I watched an interview on NBC's "Today" show; Robin Roberts was interviewing Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins about their most recent book, the last in the "Left Behind" series. Now, this post is not about those books--there has been a lot written about them already on the internet, and I haven't read this latest one, so I'm leaving that subject alone for now. Later, when I have read the book, I may (or may not) blog about that. What I would like to discuss is the way these Christian men answered a couple of questions in this interview.

So many times when I see Christian people interviewed on television, I cringe as they back-pedal and then sugar-coat their answers when asked direct questions about the exclusivity of Christ. I was favorably impressed and greatly encouraged to see LaHaye and Jenkins give direct, Biblical answers, refusing to compromise the message of the gospel.

Robin Roberts asked them (and I'm paraphrasing here)"What about people who are offended by the message of these books, after all, for Jews and Muslims it sounds like you are saying that if people don't believe in Jesus they will be left behind, they will not go to heaven."

LaHaye and Jenkins answered that they believe the Bible to be God's Word, and Jesus to be God, and they pointed out that no other person who has ever lived on earth has had a greater impact on history and humanity than Christ. They also pointed out that Jesus Himself said that He is the only way to heaven.

Roberts followed up with some statement to the effect that this seems like an intolerant position and offensive.

LaHaye and Jenkins said that they agree the gospel is offensive to people, but they said, (and this is a direct quote) "You don't see evangelicals crashing planes into buidlings because they disagree with their beliefs." They also said that if people don't believe the gospel, they still love those people, work with them, admire and respect them, but believe them to be wrong in this area. They stated that they are blessed to be living in a country where they are free to believe whatever they want to and not be persecuted for it.

I was thrilled to see these men deliver such straightforward answers in a calm, loving, Godly manner. After seeing so many other Christians, among them Joel Osteen and Rick Warren, give vague answers or simply sidestep the questions, it was refreshing to see someone tell it straight.

What interested me even more was the comment that Robin Roberts made at the end of the interview. As she was thanking them for being there, she said, "You two always light things up when you come in here." WOW!!! Did she even realize she said that? She said on national TV that these two Christians bring LIGHT with them when they come--they are putting Matthew 5:14-16 into practice with their behavior in the NBC studios. PRAISE THE LORD!!! May more and more "famous" Christians give such straight answers, and bring light to national television.

On a personal note, this makes me more determined to be salt and light every day in whatever situation I may find myself. Do I "light things up" for other people, shining God's light through my words and actions? Do I bring out the best in others, love and encourage them, and generally brighten their existence? My very attitude can be a powerful witness in our current circumstances, and I pray that the Lord will give me the strength to be "salt and light" to those around me.

Locks of Love

Last Saturday my 13-year-old daughter Caroline had ten inches cut off her hair in order to send it to Locks of Love. I'm proud of her for being willing to do this after having grown her hair out for two years. A wonderful woman from Woodlawn Baptist Church, Karen Partain, offered to give our family free haircuts. She has been a hairdresser for twenty years, and she's extremely skilled. Caroline and I were blessed to have her do our hair. This may seem like a shallow, mundane thing, but it is kind-of a ministry for Karen to do hair for free for people who can't afford it or are in tough situations, and the Lord used her to bless us. It's another example of the body of Christ at work: Karen is very open at her job about being a Christian, and for her co-workers to see her ministering to people in this way is a powerful witness. I'm sure she lost money during the time she spent cutting our hair, but she didn't seem to mind at all. She even told me she wishes that she didn't have to work for money so that she could give free haircuts all the time!

I'm posting the before-during-and-after pics of Caroline's haircut:

Ode to Stuff

My daughters and I went to Wal*Mart today. I find it incredibly overwhelming, especially after being overseas even if only for a few short months. Now, don't misunderstand me. Since coming back we have definitely enjoyed many things about this culture and the ready access to so many different products, foods, and amenities. But we had also gotten used to a simpler lifestyle, and the massive display of materialism at Wal*Mart is hard for us to handle. I enjoy capitalism as much as the next conservative, but so much of what is available in this country is a) unnecessary, and b) way too expensive. Are all of these things really needed? How have the advertisement agencies succeeded in convincing Americans that they need all this STUFF? What would our Indian friends think of such a place? How can we stand to hear all the kids whining about stuff they want their parents to buy them?

After today's trip I was inspired to write a satire--sing it to the tune of Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee

Plaintive, whining, we implore You
Give us what we want today.
We will evermore adore You
If You do just what we say.
Give us toys and cars and new stuff,
Give us all that we desire.
It will never be quite enough,
Of new things we'll never tire.

I'm sure none of us have ever actually prayed these words, but the sentiment may have been there. How often do we ask God for THINGS? Or, if we don't come right out and ask, how much of our time is spent worrying about/thinking about/wishing for stuff that we think might make our lives happier or easier? I'm not pointing any fingers here; rather, I'm reflecting on my own desires and wants. When I start to think about things that "it would be nice to have" the Lord brings to my mind people that we saw in India living on the streets. How blessed I am to have so many nice things! Our family constantly sees God meeting our needs and many of our wants. I am convicted by God's Word:

Hebrews 13:5 says "Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." "

Will I ever be able to truly say that He is all I need?

Thinking or Feeling? A Critical Analysis From a Female Pespective

I was going to take the time to write a lucid, concise, well-thought-out treatise on thinking and feeling, specifically their gender-specific implementation and the implications this may have for societal stability and improvement, but then I just thought "I really don't feel like it."

Antarctica, Anyone?

We now know for sure that we have people on six of the seven continents praying for Bobby. Our only unknown is Antarctica. I've been wracking my brains trying to figure out how we could get someone down there praying for Bob. Any ideas? It's not crucial or anything, but it would be neat to be able to say that he has prayers going up for him ALL over the world. I'll keep working on it.

Feeling as a Man

Guest male blogger posting here.

I have read this particular blog for some time and am deeply troubled by it. In my small, concrete world I thought that "thinking" was the realm of the man, while "feeling" was the realm of the woman. Now, please do not get upset right away. I know that women are good thinkers; it's just that when it comes to key national security issues like blogging, men should be thinking and women should be feeling.

What will happen if women start to post all kinds of thinking blogs? They already have a corner on the feeling market. We (men) have no chance as far as feeling blogs are concerned. Don't even bother trying. What must we do?

I suggest that we, and I'm talking to all men here, THINK as we blog. We must fight this battle in order to keep our small portion of the blogging world intact. I have great fears here. While we are busy looking at things on-line such as sports, politics, sports, news, sports, other blogs, and sports, the women of this country will be launching out into the thought-based blogosphere.

Men, the women of this country have us all by the neck on this particular issue. We must stand up for our rightful place as thinkers. After all, if we do not think and cannot feel, what is left? I know that we do technically "feel," but since we don't know what those feelings are all about, why bother writing or even thinking about it?

So, men, how do we put this into action? First, we men should all think before we ever start to blog. If you can't say something with thought, then say nothing at all. Second, write on topics that other people care about. If your primary interest is, for example, finding out what Hollywood stars think about our country's foreign policy, it may be better to keep that to yourself. Third, write about topics that you know. Avoid branching out into arenas that are unfamiliar to you. If you know how to cut grass, tell us how. If you can hit a golf ball well, enlighten us. If you know how to make an Apple computer work well with the rest of the computing world, please tell us how.

The most important thing, however, is this. Avoid feelings at all costs. This is the big one. You are not ready to tackle this. It would be like what happened the first time Luke Skywalker faced Darth Vader. Just don't. Don't.

If we stick to thought alone, we have a chance. We must not give up on this part of our world. We must not back down. If we give up, it would be like pulling out of Iraq. Let's not run up the white flag on this issue. Let's fight the good fight, for it is worth fighting.

Winston Churchill, in WWII, said that England would never give up. This must be our battle cry. Let us think, think, think, and if that does not work, let us think some more.

Whoa, that was close. I almost felt something there. Worse yet, I almost wrote about it.

Remember, you can think as a man and tell others about it. If you feel something and then write about it, you will be crying in the corner before you know it.

Guest male blogger (better known as Eric C.) signing off.

Sudoku, Schmudoku

On the inane side of life, let me take a few minutes to RANT about my hatred of Sudoku puzzles, which my daughters and mother-in-law love. Some may say my disgust arises from my total inability to complete any Sudoku puzzles that aren't labelled VERY EASY (I think the microscopic letters under that say: If you can't do this, you're a moron.) But surely my lack of success has nothing to do with my aversion to these waste-of-time, good-for-nothing little engimas. The concrete reasons are:

1. They don't MEAN anything! Crossword puzzles involve verbal brain power, and often have longer answers that are puns or plays-on-words. Word search puzzles also have a theme or meaning. I know, I know, Sudoku puzzles challenge your numerical-logical skills. Whatever.
2. Umm...I can't think of any other reasons. I just despise them.

Any comments? Any defense from the Sudoku Savants?

Please Lord!

It's totally dark in Bobby's hospital room except for this computer screen. I look across the room at my son, curled up under his favorite blanket with Mr. Smiley, Brownie, and Ruff, his favorite stuffed animals. All I can think right now is, "Please, Lord, just give us more time with him. Please, God, I know he's yours to do with as you will, but could you just heal him and let him grow up? Let him hit puberty, let his voice change, let him be as tall as his daddy, let him play sports, let him learn to play the piano, let him go to college, get married, and have children of his own some day. Please?" Is this just selfishness on my part? I'm not trying to strike any bargains with the Lord--I know that God doesn't play that game, and neither do I. I know that Bobby is God's child, and that God is sovereign. I pray that this whole situation will bring glory to God. And yet...I don't want to lose my son! He is so sweet and cuddly and smart--how could I possibly handle it if he doesn't get better? These are such dark thoughts. Some people would say it's "Bad luck" to even think this way. But I don't believe in luck. I believe in an All-Powerful Creator God who has known every day, minute and second of my son's life since the beginning of time. And I hear a still, small voice telling me to be still and know that He is God, and rest in Him. This is all that I cling to, and it gives me peace. He gives me Peace.

A Whole New World...

Our family has entered a new realm with this cancer thing. On Bobby's Caring Bridge site I'll be keeping everyone up-to-date on his care, whereas on this blog I'll just be journaling my own thoughts and reactions.
So, honestly--this cancer world is a club we never wanted to join. It's the kind of thing that you are thrust into unaware. It reminds me of being at youth group pool parties in high school...not planning on going swimming for whatever reason...and suddenly being pushed into the pool. At first there's total shock. The water is cold, you have trouble catching your breath, and you may feel really angry. There's nothing you can do at that point--you're already soaked, you're completely in the pool, so you may as well join the rest of the swimmers and have some fun. It's the "fun" part where the analogy breaks down a little. Nothing about this situation is really very fun.
Of course, our family tries to have fun and laugh no matter what happens, but these days a lot of humor rings hollow for me. I'm finding it ironic that my husband preached on the topic of suffering the first weekend in January. I'm having trouble understanding how we are ever going to regain a sense of normalcy in our lives. I'm lonely for my friends from North Carolina. I'm lonely for my friends in India. I'm working on rebuilding friendships with people here in the Savannah area, where we haven't lived for four years. I'm discovering that the promises we read so nonchalantly in the Bible are true: God gives us peace, He'll never forsake us, if we lack wisdom we just need to ask, He created us and knows us and the plans He has for us. These are the truths to which I'm clinging these days.
I hope that over the next few months I can still find time to read good books, watch good movies, and have some intellectual life beyond learning everything I can about Burkitt's lymphoma and all the anti-cancer drugs which are used to treat it. But even if I don't--I do know that this entire situation can bring glory to God. I keep thinking of that song "Let my lifesong sing to you..." That's what I desire. (On a sarcastic note--Eric and I used to sing that song as "Let Mike Nifong sing to you..." People from the Raleigh area will know what that's about...) Seriously, I pray that our lives through this trying time will glorify the Lord. What more could we ask?

Please visit Bobby's website

I won't be blogging on here more than just occasionally. Please visit:

www.caringbridge.org/visit/bobbyc

to see how our lives are going. THANKS!

La vida te da sorpresas, sorpresas te da la vida...

Okay, so the title of this post is taken from an old song in Spanish called "Pedro Navaja." It translates as "life gives you surprises, surprises are given you by life." Now, I know that God is in control of my life, so it's not as though I believe in some mystical "nature" or "fate" that determines my life. But life sure is full of surprises!

There we were, living overseas, adjusting to the culture, learning the language, and making good friends, when suddenly....

POW!! We get hit right between the eyes with a BIGGIE, a HUGE change....and we can only withstand the stress and pressure of this change because we have the Holy Spirit abiding in us, comforting, teaching, and giving peace.

So, most of you who bother to check this blog occasionally (and have given up on my EVER updating it) already know what this huge change has been. For any newcomers, here it is:

From one day to the next a large lump appeared on my son's neck and another lump surfaced in his throat. We consulted doctors and they determined that it was some type of lymphoma. We packed up everything in two days, flew back to Savannah, GA, and got him treated here--and yes, it is lymphoma. Our eight-year-old son has a rare kind of cancer called Burkitt's lymphoma. He is now in chemo and our lives will never be the same again...or at least they won't be for quite some time. I am going to be journaling and keeping posts on this at another website called Caring Bridge. That website will basically become my blog.

What have we learned so far through this experience?

1. God is good all the time, and He gives peace and strength as needed for each hour.
2. We are INCREDIBLY blessed with family and friends--so much so that I don't know how some people go through a time like this without this level of support. We have so many people who have said "Call me no matter what time it is, tell me what you need, how can we help?...etc." and the amazing thing is that they really mean it!
3. We have also been blessed with great children. Our girls have been phenomenal so far through this, and our son--depite some grumbly moments in the hospital--is handling things really well.

I have felt the Lord's presence closely over the past several months as we lived overseas, and more so over these last few weeks. He has truly been "the God of all comfort" to me.

Back in Blog

Back in blog, yeah..... I'm Back in Blog!!! (Sing to the tune of "Back in Black" that wonderfully wholesome song from the 70s)

Okay, so if anybody is still checking my blog, I haven't died or anything serious like that. I just moved to the other side of the world. A few highlights (or lowlights) of the journey so far:

Thirty hours of air travel to get here, about twelve days of jet-lag recovery, strep throat infection, my son having a staph skin infection, meeting new friends, eating new foods, learning how everything works in our new place (I could write a whole book on that one,) trying to get enough sleep to handle the stress, major culture shock, thanking God for Skype, good communication with family and friends back in the States, a week of intestinal upset, observing a funeral at a house across the street, cows--cows--everywhere, monkeys everywhere too, and just general an entirely different way of life than anything we've ever experienced.

I wish that I'd had the energy to blog on here regularly over the last few weeks and give my impressions as they came along, but the truth is that I've been having a hard time adjusting to being here, and have needed way more sleep than ever before. I've been told this is normal, so I'm not feeling bad about it. But I'll be updating the blog more frequently from now on!

The thing that overwhelms me most in this new country is the lostness of the people. Fewer than 1% are Christians. I feel as though we moved back in time, in some ways, to about 3,000 years ago, with all the temples and statues of idols everywhere. And yet, we both now have cell phones (called "mobile" phones here) and have high-speed internet, which we've never had before! The technology is available here if you have the money to buy it.

The main thing about life here is that everything is harder. It's harder to get your food, it's harder to have running water--you have to pump it twice a day up to a tank on the roof of your house, it's harder to do the laundry, it's harder to buy furniture or anything else you need for your house, and the beds are harder, too. Most of the time I feel like a wimpy westerner who can't handle the toughness here. I know I'll toughen up, and get used to it, but right now it is draining me.

The thing that keeps me going is to not lose sight of the big picture. I am so blessed compared to the majority of the people here. Our family has a nice apartment with running water and hot water in the bathrooms. We have plentiful food, and blankets to stay warm at night. Many of the people here sleep outside on the streets every night, and it does get cold here these nights--down to 50 or even lower. Many people have no warm clothing, no blankets, no hot water, and not enough food. So I count my blessings and enjoy the time I have with my family and with new friends here. I thank God that our city got a McDonald's right after we moved here. I praise Him for yummy food here, for the fact that we actually found a tiny artificial Christmas tree in a store here, and that we can fellowship with other Western believers safely every Sunday.

I still miss everyone from home.

More soon from halfway around the world.

Gracia Burnham's Book

Since I never posted my final review:

I give this book 5 stars out of 5: *****

The story of the Burnham's kidnapping and captivity is, as I said before, encouraging and uplifting. It also challenges the reader and gives you the feeling that you are right there with them. As my husband and I were reading it we started to feel like it was dragging, with the same things happening over and boredom setting in. Then it occurred to us: that is exactly how the Burnhams felt for a lot of the time in captivity. Their lives became an endless routine of marching from one place to another, trying to find enough food to stay alive, and trying to keep strong for each other. Although they experienced 17 firefights during their captivity (and Martin was killed in the final one) most of the time was spent traveling from one place to another, living out in the jungle. Gracia is completely honest about their relationship, spiritual walk, and even doubts during their ordeal. I really appreciated her candor. I strongly encourage everyone to read her book.

And off we go...

I know I haven't posted in almost a month; I probably won't be able to post for another month or so, but here goes:
We're off tomorrow on the adventure of a lifetime. We are still amazed that we even get to do this! It is terribly hard leaving family, though. Even though for the past four years we have lived pretty far from our parents and only been able to see them occasionally, it seems worse going as far as we are. We both have such great parents, with whom we are also good friends (now that we are grown-ups :) so that makes it even harder. Not only are we telling relatives good-bye, but we are also telling our best friends good-bye, and they're the same people!
We have said so many good-byes over the last few months that I have become emotionally weary of them. First in our last hometown in NC, then some friends down here in GA, then my parents, then all the new friends we made in VA, and now more people and my husband's parents here. Aaaaaargh! It feels as though someone is v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y ripping a band-aid off my skin instead of just tearing it off in one fell swoop. Most little kids think the slow method hurts less, but I know better. Of course, I'm used to good-byes; in fact, I grew up with them. And the fact is, they never get any easier. Every good-bye makes me long for heaven; I yearn for that day when we'll never have to say good-bye to one another again but instead will be together forever worshipping the Lord!
When we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus, we'll sing and shout the victory!
Sounds pretty good to me, how about you?

Reading Material

Sorry if that last post was a trifle petulant. I was feeling lonely after seeing everyone on Saturday.

I'm currently reading In the Presence of My Enemies by Gracia Burnham. You may remember her as the New Tribes Missions worker who, along with her husband Martin, was abducted by the Abu Sayyaf (Muslim paramilitary group) in the Philippines in 2001.

This is a powerful book, and a should-read if not a must-read for Christians. It is increasing my faith and my confidence in a powerful God. To read of the trials they endured, the provision of God during their year of captivity, and their unwavering (except for one dark moment) faith, is encouraging and uplifting. It also confirms my belief that God is sovereign and purposes to do things in our lives that we may not appreciate at the time in order to stretch and grow us, and to reach others with the gospel. In their case, that even involved Martin losing his physical earthly life (but oh, what he gained!)

I haven't quite finished the book; I'll post a final review when I'm done.

Anybody out there?

I was nagged about posting on my blog, and now that I have I expect some sort of response. Half the fun of writing is to see what other people think of it. Feel free to praise, criticize, or just be indifferent, but PLEASE let me know you are there.

God's Blessings

Yesterday our family returned to our most recent home town and met with our home church. For me it was a bittersweet time. I miss my sisters and brothers there so much. When we are back with them it's as though we never left. God has blessed us so richly with that group of friends who are willing to "hold the rope" for us as we venture out into the world. During our training here, one of the presenters said that two Christians can become better friends in five minutes than two non-Christians can in five days. This is something that my friend Alan has addressed at length in his posts on κοινωνία here. This feeling of fellowship and unity is such an amazing gift that God has given us as His children. Since we are adopted by God as sons, we are truly related to one another! This explains why it is so hard to say goodbye. It's as hard as parting from family, because we are family. That explains why my heart is so heavy within me today, and why I feel as though something is missing in my life--I miss my Messiah friends.

On a happy note, we got to see two beautiful babies who had been born since we left, and we were able to rejoice with two couples who are each expecting their first child. We praise the Lord for these gifts to our brothers and sisters in Christ. We will be thrilled to meet many new children when we return in a few years.

This post is making me sad. More posting later.

So Many Thoughts, So Little TIme

I chatted yesterday with fellow blogger Theron about my frustration with not having time to post on this blog. If things go much longer this way I may have to give up the blog entirely. I have so many things floating around inside my head, brewing and boiling, and yet rarely have time to sit down and write about them. Even now, as I'm writing this, there are other more pressing responsibilities that I'm ignoring. If I don't blog, I feel guilty, and if I do blog, I feel guilty. It's time to go somewhere and indulge in a primal scream.

Brain Overload

My husband and I are currently in training for new jobs which we will soon start. The training is intense, with many seminars and sessions each day as well as reading assignments and all sorts of self-assessments to do in the evenings. I feel as though I'm back in college. There has been no time to read for pleasure (AAAAAARGGHH!!!) or for blogging. On the positive side, my brain feels very active and engaged, as though the cobwebs have been swept back and the gears oiled, revving into high gear. I know I mixed metaphors in that last sentence, by the way. I haven't had to process this much information in this short amount of time since I was 22--and that's a LONG time ago. Although I wish I had more time for writing, I do know that everything we are learning is necessary and valuable, even if we are overwhelmed with our own ignorance.

Pray for us.

The Lake

Nearly fifty years ago my husband's grandfather, Harold Woodard, bought a property on the eastern side of Seneca Lake, in the Finger Lakes region of New York State. It's about halfway up the lake, just north of Lodi Point State Park. There is a comfortable two-story cabin, a dock with a boat hoist, and an incredible view up the lake toward Geneva, NY. On the far south end of the lake lies Watkins Glen, which I posted about yesterday. The lake at this spot is about two miles across, and it is 40 miles long from north to south.

What makes this spot my favorite place on earth is hard to put succinctly into words. There is no telephone here, no television, and only this year is there internet access. What there IS here is total relaxation. A day at the lake proceeds like so: get up whenever you wake up; eat breakfast; read, swim, play games, talk, exercise, go for a stroll; sit on the dock until you are too hot to stand it, then jump in the cold lake until you are shivering and your lips turn blue, then get back out on the dock; eat lunch; repeat the morning acitivities in the afternoon; eat supper; have a campfire; make s'mores; go to bed. On rainy/windy/cold days there are plenty of places to visit in the area, so there is always something to do. It is a routine which fosters family togetherness while still affording each individual plenty of choices for activities. It offers plenty of time to catch up on books that have gone unread, personal devotions, conversations that need to take place, and spending time with family.

I have been coming to the lake for seventeen years now, since the summer I met my husband. He's been coming almost every year since he was born. We spent our honeymoon here. We look forward the rest of the year to our week at the lake. The cabins on either side are family-owned also, so the adults there are my in-laws' age, and their children are now adults like we are, who are now having the next generation. Everybody knows each other fairly well from summer after summer of close proximity. My children have grown up knowing this as their best vacation spot. The love swimming, playing on the shore, and going "tubing" behind the boat. When they are older they'll learn to water-ski like my husband. (My one attempt to learn resulted in a popped blood vessel in one of my eyes, so I've learned to enjoy riding in the boat or being the one staying on the dock to help.)

The physical beauty of this place also factors in to it being my favorite place. The pale, clear light at dawn, the deep crimson of sunset, and the expanse of sky to the west are simply reminders of God's greatness. And the lake: clear and still, or softly wavy with a South wind, or pounding in on the dock and shore from a North wind,--no matter how it's behaving it is beautiful. The sound of the waves at night is anesthetic. Then there is the pleasure of sitting by a fire on a cold, clear night, watching the other fires spring up around the lake, leaning back to gaze up at the stars and identify the constellations.

Now, some people may think that I like it here because when I'm here I am away from other obligations--homeschooling, running a household, church responsibilities, etc. Well, I'm sure that's part of it. Surely a vacation spot is treasured primarily because it's just that--a vacation spot. But even here I must help with the cooking, cleaning, laundry, discipline, and other main responsiblities which I face daily no matter where I am. No, I just think that the combined factors of real relaxation, being with my husband and children, and the beauty that God created bring about a sense of peace for me when I'm here that I haven't found elsewhere. The Lord has blessed our family with being able to come here. I praise Him for it.

Watkins Glen

Today our family walked up Watkins Glen. This river-eroded narrow canyon is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. It ascends 530 feet in a mile and a half of trail that rises from the street level in the town to the top of the bluff overlooking Seneca Lake. There are multiple waterfalls, pools, rock walls, ledges, and steps. It is quite the work-out to climb! What kept overwhelming me was the sheer beauty of God's creation. What is interesting is that in a set of old post-cards that are here in the cabin, from 1919, this is what it says,"...beautiful scenes of breath-taking beauty which must be seen to be appreciated. They are never-to-be-forgotten scenes, and one cannot but be filled with awe and wonder at the magnitude of the handiwork of the Creator." In contrast, all of the signs and educational materials about the Glen today refer to it as the work of Nature; millions of years of evolution of the planet. There is no mention of God--far from it. It is just seen as an accident, a freak result of geologic forces. What does God's Word say about this?
18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness,
19 because what may be known of God is manifest in them, for God has shown it to them.
20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse,
21 because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Romans 1:18-21 NKJV
It's amazing to me that people can see such incredible rock formations and NOT believe in God.

Recent Readings

While at my parents' house recently, I read two different books--VERY different books. Now, I didn't take notes on them, and I wish I had. Trying to write about them in retrospect is difficult. One, Civil War Poetry, was a basic anthology of just what the title says--poems about the Civil War (the War Between the States, or as it's sometimes called in rural Georgia, The War of Northern Agression :) ) Standouts include Julia Howe's Battle Hymn of the Republic and Walt Whitman's When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom'd among others. I read the whole book expecting to be moved and touched, especially after our trip to Gettysburg, but, maybe because I had many distractions (3 whose names come easily to mind) during the reading, I wasn't too impressed overall.

The other book I read (actually re-read) was C.S. Lewis' God in the Dock. I was impressed again by his quickness of mind, agility with words, and prowess with the pen. His facile construction of an argument and clear explanation of logic is truly amazing. This series of essays, transcripts of speeches, and short articles is worth the read. However--a few disclaimers lest I be accused of being an ignorant Lewis-worshipper. C.S. Lewis could not bring himself to say that Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation. He explicitly states that he cannot discount God choosing to save people by other means. (He's not referring to Old Testament times.) I had read this book back in college and didn't remember exactly what he wrote, but upon reading The Last Battle again as an adult, I began to wonder about his view of salvation. He has a character in The Last Battle who is a young Calormene who has served Tash the false god his entire life. Aslan tells this young man that whatever he did for Tash that was good, was credited to him for Aslan. Basically this sounds like universalism to me. Would Lewis have said that if someone did good things for the sake of Buddha (which lots of nice peaceful Buddhists do, by the way) that these things are credited to them as having been done for Christ?

Also, Lewis held to the Anglican belief that the Eucharist is necessary for salvation. This is an un-Biblical stand.

On a positive note, Lewis writes arguments which absolutely refute evolution, self-centered Christianity, and materialism. His sense of humor was dry and yet a tad sarcastic. For example, he asks why he should ever listen to someone who believes everything is here by accident. He says that since evolutionists believe they are an accident of nature, then anything they say is also an accident of nature, and therefore not provable. Very well-said.

Now, it is not up to me to determine if C.S. Lewis was saved or not. (Thank God.) But what can I learn from this? Do I hold any beliefs or cling to any practices which are un-Biblical? How can I determine this? It makes me think and pray and strive to align myself so closely with Scripture that the Spirit may show me where I need to change and grow.

God in the Dock

I'm going to be re-reading C.S. Lewis' book of this title over the next few days. Thoughts on it to follow in a few days....

Just finished reading Benjamin Franklin's Autobiography. Interesting, funny, and also sad because he seems to have been a person who knew God existed and even believed in living a moral life, but he thought he could do this on his own. He devised a multi-step system of becoming morally pure and sinless, all on his own strength. He does not seem to have believed in a personal relationship with the Lord, repentance, atonement, etc. And yet he was so intelligent, creative, hard-working, and persistent. After reading his auto-bio I felt more sad than anything.

I'm also reading an anthology of Civil War poetry. Thoughts on that later....

Gettysburg

I just realized that I never wrote about our trip to Gettysburg. It was awe-inspiring to say the least. If you have never gone there I cannot recommend it highly enough. Before we went our 7-year-old son declared that he thought it would just be a huge field and a bunch of monuments. Well...there are huge fields and there certainly are a LOT of monuments, but he changed his tune after we went.

The first thing we did was to go to the Electric Map in the Visitors' Center. This is an electronic light and sound experience which lasts about 1/2 hour. It explains the battle completely from start to finish, including dimming the lights for the night-time and having little reddish-orange lights on the map for the campfires of each army. There is also a nice little museum area that we all enjoyed. We then went to the memorial in the cemetary which commemorates Lincoln's Gettysburg address. Our son wanted to take all the pennies that people had left there...We didn't let him.

Once we had a good handle on how the battle progressed we went on the auto-tour, a self-guided drive around the entire battle area. We stopped at many monuments, took pictures, went up two observation towers, and got out at Little Round Top. I also did a panoramic picture of the fields which the Confederate troops had to cross in "Pickett's Charge," coming into direct fire from Federal troops.

Having recently read "The Killer Angels," about the battle, I had a keen interest in going there and seeing the lay of the land for myself. It was an amazing day. We all learned so much from the different displays--whoever has done the work of setting it all up has really excelled.

Enjoy seems a weird word to use to describe how we felt that day. It was an enjoyable day, learning together as a family, but I think we had more of a sense of awe, of respect for the dead, of amazement at the sheer numbers of men who died on those fields. It was arguably the most important battle in the history of our country, and as such deserves to be studied and remembered. Each side wholeheartedly believed that they were fighting for what was right. Men were willing to die to stand up for their beliefs. Even brother fought brother (the Culp brothers are one example--they have their own display case in the museum there) and friend fought friend. The bloodshed was almost incomprehensible, the numbers are staggering. It's easy now, in hindsight, to see what the various generals did wrong, what they could have done instead, and how things might have gone differently at Gettysburg. But it seems that these men did the best they knew how.

How willing are we to die for our beliefs? And how much more important are our beliefs about the Lord than beliefs about government/states' rights/economy/etc.? In the spiritual battles of life do we stand our ground? Do we press on in the face of seemingly unconquerable odds, obeying our Master's commands? Just thinking about it all....

What is a church?

I've been reading David Garrison's "Church Planting Movements' and highly recommend it for any Christian anywhere. It offers a definition, explanation, and case studies of church planting movements. The gist of it is this--people are getting saved and the Church is growing in countries overseas in an exponential fashion, but there is a huge difference between what we consider a church here in the U.S. and what is considered a church in these other countries. In the U.S. when we speak of church we often are thinking of a building or of a particular group of people who have been together for years, doing everything "the way we've always done it." My friend and brother-in-Christ Alan has been exploring these issues for a while now on his blog (see link on my site.) In many other countries a church consists of a house church of 15-20 people studying God's Word together and discipling one another. When the group gets too big to meet in the house, a few of them start another house church. This intentional multiplication builds the body of Christ at an amazing rate. The believers invite non-believers to the group with them to study God's Word, showing them how the process of evenglism and discipleship works before they are even saved! They do not stop to plan/fundraise/argue about a big building. They do not set up committees for every aspect of church life. They do not pay a pastor. They have multiple leadership chosen from among the men in the group. And then they intentionally split in order to grow the church. They model their churches after the New Testament church.

Compare this approach to the un-intentional splits that happen all too often in our churches here: arguing over who gets the building, gossipping about the "other side," dishonoring the Lord's name through actions and words, and most tragically--tearing down the body of Christ, causing non-believers to want to run as far and as fast as they can from "the church."

Oh, that the church in this country would emulate these church planting movements! Oh, that we would be willing to not sit in comfy pews or padded chairs being entertained by a polished, talented praise team. (OKAY--all you people who like the whole praise team approach--BACK OFF!!! I'm just saying that we are too comfortable in our churches,,,) All of these things keep swirling around in my mind: how can I promote a change in this country? how can I support church planting movements worldwide? How can I develop personal relationships with non-believers so that I can share the gospel with them?

Anyone else struggling with these things?

Update from Northern NY

So here we are at my parents house in East Pitcairn, NY. We have been relaxing and just enjoying being with my Mom and Dad. We also painted their house last week. Actually, my husband did most of the work. I did just enough to feel like I had helped out.

I have been unable to blog much from up here because for some reason every time I try to go on my blog (except this time and one other previously) the Blogger site tells me that my dad's computers cookies and Javascript are not enabled. But wait--they are enabled! I did nothing different this time except breathe a quick prayer--"Lord, please let me get on and update my blog..."

We are getting more and more excited about moving overseas and going for the training required of us. We really need people's prayers as we prepare spiritually for the days ahead.

1100 miles later...

Just a quick "update" post. We traveled 700 miles on Thursday from Savannah, GA to Chambersburg, PA. Friday we went to Gettysburg--I think I'll write extensively on that later--then drove another 420 miles on Saturday to finally arrive at my parents' house in northern NY. Exhausted but happy to be here.

More in a day or two...

Okay, Jeremy...is this acceptable?

Okay, so this is the general layout that I had before but without the overall PINK look. Blue is my favorite color, so I think I may stick with this look.

Faithful God...

So what did I learn over the past week? I learned that when God promises to take care of us, He is not kidding. I learned that He is my rock and refuge when I am lonely and sad. I have always thought of God's promise in Malachi 3:10 as referring only to financial matters, but I'm beginning to see it in other terms, as well. Yes, yes, I know that it is technically a promise to Israel and not to me personally, but I believe it shows God's character and His care for all who trust in Him. I Peter 3:9, after telling us in verse 8 how to live Christ-like lives, tells us that "you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing."
What are these blessings and how I have seen them manifested in my life?
1. My salvation is a blessing, a gift from God.
2. The Holy Spirit in me--the comforter and counselor.
3. My wonderful, loving, kind, caring husband. What a blessing to be married to my very best friend, and still laugh together after so long.
4. My three children, who have handled this move very well so far.
5. My church family at Messiah, whom I miss dreadfully, and who still support and encourage us. Just knowing that I can pick up the phone and call them (like I did to Alan and Margaret last night) and cry on the phone, helps.
6. The wonderful people we have met at the churches we have visited here.
7. HERE'S A BIG ONE: A 9-year-old boy, whom we have known since he was born, Evan, gave us a beautiful "book" he made with pictures of himself and his sister in it, as well as some flower seeds. As I was looking at it and admiring his work, he said, "There's something under the seed packet." When I peeled back the tape, there was a $100 bill under there. I immediately assumed that his parents had given it to him to give us. BUT NO... It was his birthday money that he had just received the week before--he wanted to bless us with it. How amazing is that? How many kids his age do you know who would give away that kind of money? I pray that God will continue to bless him and his family as he grows in the Lord. (That money is already coming in handy, as we have no health insurance right now, and our daughter needed antibiotic yesterday.)

How amazing and wonderful is our heavenly Father. His blessings are too many to count. Praise His name.

Frantic week...

A summary of our past week:
Monday the 3rd--shopping all day with mother-in-law and girls. My mother-in-law is the best in the world, and a more generous person is hard to find. She has blessed us (God blessed us through her) by providing new much-needed clothing items for the girls.
Tuesday the 4th--Parade in the small town where we used to live. (Rincon, GA) Hanging out all day at sister-and-brother-in-law's house, playing with their almost-four-month-old.
Wednesday the 5th--Beach in the morning. Dinner cruise on the Georgia River Queen in the evening to celebrate our 15th anniversary. It was wonderful.
Thursday the 6th--Prepare all day for a yard sale.
Friday the 7th--Our friends, the Adams, came down from Augusta for a short visit to Savannah. The few precious hours we were together were so sweet. Once again, I long for heaven.
Saturday the 8th--YARD SALE. Sold whatever remained of our un-needed wordly goods. Met with some dear friends, the Hartzogs, for lunch. I'll post more about that....
Sunday the 9th--Woodlawn Baptist Church in the a.m. Then our second child got sick, (strep) so only my husband went to Rothwell Baptist Church in the evening.
Today--recovery from a busy week.....

The new look...

Just for my young friend, Jeremy, I've adopted a new look for the blog with which he may be more familiar....We'll see how long I let it stay like this.

The thread that binds us...sehnsucht?

Okay, so, I'm really getting into this blogging thing. I hate writing things by hand in a journal because my brain is faster than my hands, but typing is another story. I have found my niche!

We have just about recovered from the days of moving, and are looking forward to some fun this week. On Wednesday my husband and I are celebrating 15 years of marriage by going on a dinner cruise on the Savannah River on a paddleboat. I may post some pictures from that one.

Today we returned to a church that we attended from 1996-2000. Having not been there in six years, we were unsure of the response/reaction we would get from the people there. We were encouraged, however, to see that brothers and sisters in Christ have a connection that never goes away. To feel immediately re-connected is such an amazing thing. The people opened their arms and hearts to us, embracing us both literally and figuratively....How many times did we hear "Let me hug your neck"... too many to count. With typical Southern charm and hospitality they welcomed us, showing us that the ties that bind us are very real. Our mutual love for the Lord and desire to glorify Him brings us together. I have experienced this many times before, but today's instance was much-needed, as we were extremely sad not to be at our home church, Messiah Baptist. It was overwhelming.

Any time I have an experience like this, it makes me long for heaven. It seems to me to be just a shadowy glimpse of what our unity will be there as we worship God Almighty together. Our hearts will be joined in a single purpose, and our love for one another here on earth will be overshadowed by our love for the Lord. Is this feeling what C.S. Lewis called sehnsucht?